slippery when wet

I love watching the rain pelting down ferocious & unrelenting, wiping the dust & debris off the roads, sliding down the limestone roofs, making its way through the grooves to collect in underground tanks. A good pelting is what we need every so often. There's nothing more satisfying to Bermuda's residents than the sound of 'tank rain'. We are mollified knowing that the water trucks need not be called, because our tanks are not about to go empty anytime soon.

But what's unfortunate is the wail of ambulance or police sirens that most assuredly follows in the aftermath of the rainfall. Someone wasn't being cautious on the road. Be it a car or a scooter, maintaining the same above the limit speed while it's raining is neither practical nor sensible. The slippery effect on the roads here is only further enhanced by the 'race track' turns & the many dips that Bermuda's roads are made of. If only everyone would slow down when it's raining. And I mean EVERYONE!

keep it down

For the past few nights, a whistling toad has parked itself right outside our window causing such a ruckus along with its friends, that it's enough to wake the dead from their peaceful slumber. Having the a/c on does not at all help in drowning out its high pitched 'whistles'. Obviously, this has affected our sleep. I have half a mind to get out there with a flashlight, find it & then 'mist' it with Baygon. But that would be too cruel. Have you seen these things? They are awfully cute, with their doe eyed look & their minute size. Forget their size & adorable factor, they are encroaching on my territory, right? Well, maybe not. They're just doing what they're programmed to do & it's not fair to 'eliminate' them, for we humans are the ones that have encroached upon their territory, right? For now I am stuck. I wish there was something I could do to relocate it. They say placing human hair around bulbs or prized plants keeps squirrels away. I wish there was a similar easy remedy like that for the tiny toads. Guess I'll have to wait until the cooler weather sets in for these little noisemakers to take the night off!

the hitchhiker

Ever since my move to Bermuda, I am acutely aware & alert of any tingly sensation on my skin. It's because of the bugs you see. While I may be an animal lover, I prefer not to have bugs crawling over me. I definitely don't like ant bites, so woe to any ant that finds itself on me. Death is instantaneous & imminent. I show no mercy! Driving with the window rolled down, leaves much room for bugs to get inside your car. Mostly this is a cause for concern after the sun goes down. So roll up those windows while driving at night. The roaches do fly over here! When driving or riding along on a scooter, helmets with visors are a good, sensible, practical investment. Don't skimp out on those visors. Trust!

But only in Bermuda can this happen driving with the windows down, during the day & only to ME! Driving down South Shore Road yesterday with my right hand on the wheel, I felt something tingling on my arm. I expected it to be something small - a normal run of the mill bug. Boy, did I freak out when I looked down, for it was nothing small. IT was a bloody lizard. That's right! A lizard! It was probably on the car before I drove off, decided the wind was a bit to much on the top & so decided to park it self on my arm, mission impossible style. Arrgh! I was not prepared to have a lizard on my arm! Beetle, maybe. Ladybug, sure. But not a lizard! I would have taken a picture, but I was too busy letting out a yelp & shaking my arm out the window. Oncoming drivers must have thought I was exercising a new way of saying hello sans toots. (Bear in mind, I had to perform this ejection within a matter of nano seconds). I hope that lizard landed on something safe & didn't end up being road kill. In all my years living in Bombay & having lizards be a part of our home, I have never not once have had them land on me. Not even while I was asleep!

I did not quite get the reaction I was hoping for from Hubby when I informed him of my surprise hitchhiker. Such was his response:"Oh, you should have kept it, they're so cute." Umm where? The one thing I was trying to do was keep the wheel steady & keep the car in my own lane, all the while getting rid of the critter before it wiggled down my arm onto somewhere in the car. Can you imagine the pandemonium? We all know how terribly difficult lizards are to catch. And their tails break off if you do manage to get one by its tail. And I've heard their bites while not poisonous are definitely not without pain. So, yes pandemonium would be the right word. Sure, Hubby thinks I should have kept it BUT boy would I give a million bucks what his reaction would be if the lizard had to land on his arm, while he's driving. What would YOU do? Has anyone had this happen to them?

At the end of the day all I have to say is: WHY ME ?

baby boom part 2

I recently received an email with a picture of a 90 year old Indian farmer holding his new born son. Broken the Guinness World Record, they say. He already has 20 other children, numerous grandchildren & doesn't want to stop until he's reached 100 (assuming he's going to make it till then). Besides, at his age should he not be worrying about his heart? This is why India has a population crisis. We have 90 year olds still having children. His other explanation as to why he's sired & continues to sire is that he's irresistible & that women want him. (obviously Polygamy is not a concern nor an issue for him). And from the picture he was certainly no Brad Pitt or like any of those Bollywood actors. Far from it, actually. Well, he is pushing 91 & good looks start to deteriorate, even for men (take comfort ladies). In cases such as these, I think it's time to stop having children when you've already had a few & you're hitting, oh let's say 40?

Growing up, I was exposed to the family planning ads they ran on Indian TV about the limit of two children per family, although this was not & enforced, and obviously still isn't. It's just a guideline. After all India is a democracy & not a Communist regime like say, China, where the limit is one child per family & strictly enforced (I think). I haven't a clue as to what happens if you find yourself expecting a second. Needless to say, we are in the midst of another baby boom era.

Everyone I know is either pregnant or has recently had a baby. There's so many babies going around. For Canada, this is great because they're trying very hard to up the population. This was a topic of conversation with my mother & especially fitting because she's from the post war baby boom era. I asked her to list who else she thought was pregnant - family, friends etc. After counting a few together, she got exasperated & said, "Well, I don't know. That's your generation. No one from my generation is pregnant." Seriously! I'd hope not Mom, for I think we'd be in even bigger trouble if that were the case.

And even here in Bermuda - there's lots of babies everywhere you look. Not the tourist babies but the resident ones. Being such a small island, a common concern among the local expat population would be inbreeding. I never realised it but when you consider how many people of child bearing there are on the island that may share a common DNA strand, it's definitely a problem. I've heard that as a result, there is a high incidence of twins on the island. I'm not even sure if this is true. I tried looking this theory up but did not find much. Many locals that go away abroad for Undergrad studies meet their futures partners/spouses from different countries. A fair amount do decide to settle down on the island. While they do not attain Bermudian status right away, they are known as spouses of Bermudians (a post for another day). With the continuing increase of babies & influx of new residents (ex-pats included), Bermuda, like China & India, is soon going to be busting at the seams (yet another post for yet another day). But there's naught that can be done. Not for the short term, anyway.

the roof over our heads

With the onslaught of Hurricane ---, we have received calls & emails about how we're doing & whether we're alright. Many assume that any hurricane targeting the Caribbean is also affecting us. Not necessarily. Thankfully we're way up north & out of the danger zone. But in watching the news & reading the articles about how houses & people in Jamaica were severely affected, in particular, how tin corrugated roofs were blown off houses has left me a little appalled. Shouldn't all hurricane prone areas have fortified roofs? Ones that are seriously attached & not made of corrugated tin, but rather of cement or something equally hardier. The most damage that hurricanes inflict here on Bermuda homes are minimal, on segments of roofs. Rarely does an entire roof cave in or get blown off & if it does, then it's an attribution to shoddy workmanship or a compromise of quality. Of course, Jamaica is not the affluent island that Bermuda is, but shouldn't the Jamaican government be stepping in somewhat to ensure that all it's residents are habituating in stable homes?

buckle up

I was once driving home in Toronto & stopped at a red light just in time to look over & see a father slowing down his minivan with his very young daughter in the front seat. She was probably about six. Violation #1. Children under 10 are not allowed in the front passenger seat. The deployment of an airbag in the event of an accident could suffocate or cause head trauma, in some cases causing death. This child was free & unrestrained in the front seat. That's right - no seatbelt. Violation #2. I cannot tell you how much this enraged me. It's one thing to not want to buckle up yourself. You alone are responsible for your own stupidity but to have to neglect that responsibility for a child is unacceptable. I looked over at the father, made eye contact, yanked my seatbelt a couple of times in an effort to warn him to buckle up his daughter. The look I must have given him was not very friendly (course it wasn't), for he promptly restrained her. I have to say that this father belonged to a particular minority group & was probably a recent immigrant. But how on earth could he have passed his Drivers' test & not have known about the seatbelt laws that specfically apply to children?

I've seen a driver (once again in Toronto) with an unrestrained child standing in the back only to have her not go out the windshield when he slammed hard on those brakes. What is it that saved the child? His hand that quickly sprung across the child's chest to hold her back. An accident like that was imminent & he was probably going no more than 10 kms. Crash testing shows that sudden stops & crashes at slower speeds are just as damaging. We are no safer unbuckled at slower speeds than we are at high speeds.

Here in Bermuda, the speed limit is 35 kms. The only time I see people adhering to that limit is while they see an approaching copper. I will not deny that I am one of those people. I don't speed excessively but at the same time I'm not about to go at Grandpa's pace, hold up traffic & have to suffer toots from behind. It's all about going with the flow of traffic. However, even at the speed limit, I have seen children unrestrained in the car (front & back seats). Do I dare enlighten them? It makes it challenging when you can't pull up along side, given most roads here are but one lane. Besides, as an expat, I don't know how well received my messages would be.

how do you like them apples?

I was away last week - we had a fabulous trip to NY, this being my second trip. The first one was back in 2003 for about three days & I left feeling unimpressed. I failed to grasp why everyone was so gung ho about NY. All I could think was the subways were dirty & the streets were overcrowded with houses & people. And I grew up in Bombay - people & dirty cities should not be a problem for me. I have been spoiled though, living in cleaner cities like Dubai, Toronto & now Bermuda, which would explain why I was shocked that a North American city could even vaguely resemble Bombay.

My eyes were opened to NY's beauty this time around. Partly because we were older, left to our own devices & toured the place ourselves, which we loved doing. The subways did not seem daunting at all this time around & those streets I once found too busy were now a shopping haven. NY is beautiful. Not because of the tragedy it has endured but for all the other things too. Once we got Central Park & Manhattan, I understood what all the hype was about. NY is much like Toronto but on a much grander scale. Big skyscrapers will only hold my attention for a few seconds. I am not dazzled or phased by NY's nor any other cities'. Sure, Times Square was electrifying & abuzz even at an ungodly hour, but all I could think of how many African villages could benefit from the power needed to light up the many billboards at Times Square, or perhaps how many CO2 emissions we could be cutting down on with the process of elimination! We visited ChinaTown, Little Italy & also made a trip to Jackson Heights (not far from our base). I went crazy in Little India & came home with lots of goodies, ones that I doubt are even available in Toronto.

What made this trip so much fun was spending time with Hubby's cousins & mine as well (at times individually & then at times all at once). There were so many of them, a little older than the last time & so a lot more fun. It was also a bonus that our host (Hubby's cousin) knew all the shopping hotspots & bargain centers, was a delight to be around & had a three year old that kept us entertained & on our toes for much of the trip. Amid all the fun we didn't get to actually take the ferry over to Staten Island but there's always another time. And with the flights to NY from Bermuda slated at such bargain prices, the other time may come sooner than we think.

On a side note, here's a NY street sign that Hubby brought to my attention. Now what if this sign were planted right in Bermuda? Oh, I can see the outrage & the protests just about piling up on being unable to toot at their friends driving by. But imagine the money it would rake in for the city...

cup match weekend

It's Wednesday & every one's happy. But it's no ordinary a Wednesday. This particular one, that signals the start of the long weekend, occurs once a year, every year. For two days starting tomorrow, the island is going to be shut down for a two day cricket cup match, featuring the East vs the West. That's right! Only in Bermuda is cricket taken so seriously. Well, perhaps some of this seriousness will translate the next time Bermuda participates in the cricket World Cup.

Officially, tomorrow is known as Emancipation Day (from slavery) & Friday as Somers' Day (named after the Father of Bermuda, Admiral Sir George Somers). Both these days mean days of fun at the beach, camping, music & food, and of course cricket.

Where do people go camping here on the island? Well, anywhere really. Pick a spot by the water (except the beach) & there's plenty of spots to be had. Although you'd best get in early for the choicest. Bring your family, your tents & your food. But most importantly if you're not planning on attending the Cup Match events, bring along your radio to keep abreast of the match, or you won't have anything to contribute to the cricket talk at the water cooler on Monday.

And in keeping with the standard greeting for today, I say to you Bermuda residents: Have a good holiday!

iphone

I've never been one to be dazzled by the whole brand name lifestyle. While I don't hesitate to pay for good quality items, it does not need to have a particular name attached to it. French or otherwise. Same goes with cell phones. While I like cell phones, I'm in no dire need of the latest techno gizmo out there. Hubby got me a the Razor phone a while back, but I was adamant he didn't have to get me one. He went ahead anyway. And I love my new magenta Razor!

But there's always something better about to be released & unleashed onto the market making any new phone you may have just acquired obsolete (much like computers). The newly arrived iPhone has got everyone abuzz about its many features. But I have to admit the iPhone would be a pretty thing to own. How do I know this? Well, at my final post Lasik follow up today at the optometrist, a tourist patient needed help with looking up a contact on her iPhone. She couldn't see very well at that moment on account of her eyes being dilated for her checkup. So, I offered to look it up for her & got a taste of the iPhone. I have to say it's a pretty neat thing to be able to manoeuvre around. I would not mind having me a piece of that. I love gadgets with the touch screen feature.

I am sure many here in Bermuda would love to own one too! Bermudians are known for their penchant of all things branded. But the iPhone is one item no one (Bermudian or expat) will be able to get their hands, not here anyway. At least not now. Apparently, the iPhone's chosen network is exclusively AT&T. Sadly for some, this telecommunication company does not have jurisdiction nor the license to operate in Bermuda & so the iPhone will not be sold here. The tourist was able to use hers here thanks to the roaming feature. If you're planning an imminent move here to Bermuda & you've got yourself an iPhone, best dispose it off while you can for it will not do you much good here on the rock. It will hurt, but you'll be fine. There'll be many other things here on the island to distract you from the loss of your iPhone.

shove over

Hey you drivers on the road...Is it too much to ask that you stay on your side of the yellow line & NOT encroach onto my side? I manage to stay on my side. It's not an unmanageable task, so shove over because I will no longer hesitate to 'toot' at you!

desi dinner

This weekend I decided to dabble in some authentic Indian cooking. This can sometimes be an undertaking of sorts, as many complain that some Indian spices are not as readily available here. Some vegetarians say it's equally difficult being here on the island as they are not afforded the variety of vegetarian Indian food as they would be back in Toronto or India. And to them the produce is a huge letdown, as it encompasses none of the Indian vegetables that would ordinarily be available in the Chinatown or Indian grocers in Toronto or like at any regular grocers in India.

Yes, I have to admit that the choices are next to nothing when one's an Indian vegetarian. I cannot imagine myself being one, although the term Vegetarian means so many different things to so many different people. At a Toronto dinner a couple of years ago, one of my so called vegetarian friends reached for some Chicken Biryani. "STOP", I said. "It's got chicken".
"Oh, but I eat chicken", says the friend.
"But I thought you said you were a vegetarian", says I.
"Oh I am", she says. (!?!?!?!)
"Oh I see, you're a chicken eating vegetarian. Yeah, I don't think you can call yourself a vegetarian!"
And she shouldn't. It brings about un necessary confusion.

As a rule, I dislike hosting vegetarian dinner parties here in Bermuda. It's a bit of a challenge for me, as when I host I like to cook Indian food. For one thing, it's not something I cook very often & for another it's a cuisine that most love & most look forward to having. This past weekend we hosted an Indian dinner for some of our non-Indian friends. While Hubby was not sure how inclined they were to Indian food, he asked me not to make the dinner a 'hardcore' Indian one (hardcore indeed!). Well, much to his chagrin, our friends, emailed me a list of the Indian dishes they would like to have (apparently they are quite well versed with Indian cuisine, naming dishes that I didn't think existed & I partly grew up in India!). Well, I may be good, but I'm not that good. Attached is a sample of the few that I did end up making & it was a huge hit, especially desert which was a Papaya & Jackfruit Salad (especially this was their first time with the jackfruit). Well, don't let your mouth water too much!

baygon

A conversation a couple of days ago with a couple of Bermuda residents about those persistent, truly unwanted critters (roaches) invading our space. (I'm not going to name names...and no it's not us).

Lady: Yeah, I found one big one the other night. A female. You can tell cause it flies.

Man: Yeah, she went to kill that thing with Baygon & sprayed too much. You're only supposed to spray a little you know. Baygon's very powerful & banned in most countries. You're not even supposed to be in the same room after you've sprayed. Sprayed so damn much it went in my nostrils. Made me woozy.

Lady: Well, you slept well that night, didn't you?

Me: (chuckle chuckle)

Man: Well, yeah. I was knocked out! You sprayed so much.

Lady: Well, you didn't even wake up once! Slept well, didn't you? So did I. All through the night.

Man: Sprayed so damn much.

Me: (still chuckling)

So, what's the lesson here. All you insomniacs, forget about Ambient & all those other sleeping pills & try your luck with Baygon.

six

I was at the library yesterday, getting a new library card because the old one has lost its bar code magic. The librarian looked at me & said: "You have 11 books out?!?!?" (The limit's only six). I feigned innocence.

Can I tell you though, six is not enough. Not for me who's been used to the 50 book limit back in the T(dot). OK, so I never had 50 books taken out at any one time, but it was nice to have that option. Downsizing is never a good thing. So, six is definitely not enough. No sirree. Not by a long shot.

Besides, what with Bermuda & the six number limit anyway?
The six library book limit.
The six year term limit for expats.
The six month probation.

Any more sixes out there on 'de rock'?

the dogi pot

For many owning a dog comes with a chore that is perhaps not the best of chores. Many don't see it as a chore for they love their dog that much. Comes with the territory, they say. But what if you've never had a dog, always wanted one & somehow ended up dog sitting. Well, it's a chore now. I am talking about the 'Scoop the Poop' chore. Some of you reading this are thinking, 'Scoop the what? Well, I never!' Well, let me tell you...

Growing up in Dubai, back in the day (and I do mean back in the day), taking your dog out for a walk was not a chore. Bushes & grass were aplenty before the days of massive high rises & architectural marvels, letting your dog do its business in the grass meant no clean up. Now, I never had a dog but my friends did, so that's my source.

When we moved to Canada, our neighbour had the cutest Shitzu & during the summer I volunteered to take her out for a walk during the day. Well, my mom had a field day with the whole scoop the poop policy. I was the target of many many jokes among my family including 'fresh of the boat' uncles & aunts, none of whom were dog owners. Yet! And it was not a pretty job, scooping that poop! But it's the law & a good one at that. Although it would make me irate while walking in the park & coming across that which someone clearly failed to abide by the law. What's their excuse? Oh I forgot a baggie. Oh it's too darn cold.

A few weeks ago, I was at the Bermuda Botanical Gardens & came across the Dogi Pot & I was impressed. What a way to motivate someone to clean up after their dog. Now this is what Toronto needs at every park! You can bet the tax payers will be paying for this but then those with the 'I forgot a baggie' excuse will now longer have an excuse. Dubai now has a scoop the poop policy too. So, maybe they need a Dogi Pot too! But look closer at the pic, it says: A clean solution to dog pollution. I had no idea dogs were polluters. Damn, those mutts get blamed for everything. Poor poochies...

social drinker * 10

The term Social Drinker is one that's amplified here on the island. Many an expat state that before coming Bermuda they never drank or didn't drink as much, but Bermuda's social scene has changed all that. What else is there to do on the weekend, once you've hit all the tourist hot spots? This is a small small island & making your own entertainment is mandatory & meeting up with friends for a few drinks or more is just the right antidote for the hectic work week. No matter where you work or what you do, it all boils down to the same thing. You know we're bitching about our experiences, work & personal & all the nuances of island life. Things that the folks back home could not even begin to relate to. We expats here really are in a league of our own.

the hood

For those of you not aware of what the words 'The Hood' represents, it's colloquial for a really bad area, the kind that's riddled with crime on any given day. Growing up, I was not familiar with the term 'the hood'. Where I came from they were just called bad areas. Bombay's was Grant Road (I still remember that one, although this has probably changed). I can't remember Dubai having one (I'm sure one exists). Then I got to Toronto & that's when 'The Hood' was introduced. Toronto's hood would be Jane & Finch, an area to avoid at certain times. And every big cosmopolitan city has it's own hood!

Bermuda while not a city, has one too. In fact, that's the first question expats ask when they're apartment hunting. What's the place to avoid? Expats from Toronto will inquire: Where's 'the hood' in Bermuda? Well folks, Bermuda's hood sits on the northern end of Hamilton near Court Street. And it's not known as the hood. It holds it's own, Bermuda style. Said fast, it's known as Back-O'-Town (as in Back of Town). Endearing isn't it? Oh fear not! Bermuda's hood is not the same as Toronto. Most tell me that Toronto's hood is becoming ever more violent. Sometimes we manage to catch it on the news on City TV here. But caution & common sense should prevail in any hood. You wouldn't want to be walking around Back-a-Town all by yourself during the dead of night. Although, we do drive by there practically every morning. We've found it to be our 'get into town faster, avoid the morning rush route'. Every thing's different in the light of day!

one choice less

When you're away from home, food is perhaps what tops the list of things that you miss, other than family of course. It is for this reason that it's incredibly comforting & welcoming to see familiar brands at the local grocery store abroad. For us, like many other Canadian expats here in Bermuda, President's Choice (PC) is just that brand. It's one of those tasteful gourmet brands that everyone loves to dabble in. It's also a big hit with the locals. Well, Bermuda residents, enjoy it while you can, because PC will no longer be imported into Bermuda. What you currently see on the shelves or in the freezer are items that either came in during their last shipment or those that were back ordered. Once the stock's depleted, replenishments won't be on the next cargo ship. The reason - apparently PC would like to focus more on it's very own Canadian market & so have chosen to cut their product exports to Bermuda. Or so I was told while enquiring about their quiches. So, this is going to one more Canadian thing I'm going to miss. Time to stock up, EH?

the big kapok

You may recognize this plant on the left. It's a commonly used indoor plant, more prevalent in office lobbies & spaces than anywhere else. It's presence can be an annoyance if you're left in charge to ensure it stays green. Not everyone has a green thumb right? Well, give this plant a couple of hundred years or more in its tropical home & look at the height it can achieve. This is the Kapok Tree. Are you looking at it closely? Pay particular attention to its trunk & roots because one extension of this root was taller than my 5'2" frame. It's mesmerizing when you're standing at the foot of this tree, because you realize how small you really are. And if you're a nature lover, you realise how lucky this tree was to survive all those hurricanes, not to mention the invasion of man. This beauty is sprawled at the edge of The Royal Botanical Gardens, just off South Shore Road. Surrounded by bamboo trees, it is perpetually a cool shady spot, no matter how much the summer sun decides to blaze on that particular day.

takeover?

According to StatCounter, a Missouri visitor plugged in the phrase 'expats taking over Bermuda' & got to this blog. It made me laugh, on the inside of course. There's no possible way we are taking over Bermuda! We comprise of a minuet percentage of Bermuda's 66,000 + population. About less than 10,000 of us expats are here on this rock 'ruling' the land. Unlike the Cayman where the expat population is around 58% or in Dubai where the expat population is 80% Now, there's a place where expats could take over if they wanted to. The Arabs better be vigilant because it's probably going to happen any day now. Everyone knows that's what expats do anyway, we swoop in & take over.

oye russell! somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!

By now I'm sure some of you have heard of the Indian Canadian comic Russell Peters? He's garnered critical acclaim & tremendous popularity all over the world via his stand up comedy tour, famous for making fun of his own typically Indian culture & then some others. He is perhaps the only comic I know that can poke fun at any culture or race & not have it be construed as a political faux pas. Of course, being a minority/ a person of colour helps. Only he could go to Dubai, poke fun at the Arabs & get away with it! (Actually, I'm surprised they didn't ban his caboose after that!)

Russell is currently dabbling in his Homecoming tour, one that recently included Toronto & yet to take place, a free show on July 27th in downtown Toronto. Needless to say I am missing this event tremendously (free or not) & am not happy about it. Wouldn't it be nice if he came to Bermuda? I wonder what he'd have to say about Bermuda/Bermudians in his routine because you know he'd incorporate something so obviously apparent in his uniquely humourous way. The possibilities are endless.

Here's the video that made him famous & one you'll never tire of. I'd love to hear from those of you viewing this for the first time. (This video is so worth the load time).

Still want to know more about Russell? Then click on these CBC interviews:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

UPDATE:
A friend from Dubai, Hercule Marple (of course that's not his real name) emailed me to say that the locals were in fact offended by Russell's show. And so were the Filipinos. Dubai does have a large Filipino population, so I can only imagine Russell's Filipino rendition. I reckon it will be a while before it gets posted on You Tube. For the record, I think they need to lighten up over there. It's all in good fun. Take a lesson from this adorable Chinese kid. He's imitating Russell's Chinese imitation for Pete's sake.

the stop list

Since 9/11 America has not only beefed up their security measures but have also clamped down on visitors entering their domain. They've introduced legislation, policies & all sorts of checks that have been put into place to ensure that they aren't letting in the wrong kind of crowd, i.e. potential terrorists or criminals that could be potential terrorists. Ample pressure has also been placed on Canada, because in their mind potential terrorists can sneak in through the border (the largest unprotected border in the world). The reality is that it's often hard to catch or pinpoint a potential terrorist & so far so many broad generalizations have been made on deciding whom to approve & whom to reject. However, when it comes to protecting one's homeland, especially given past events, paranoia seems to work best.

Last week's milk carton featured this message & as I began to pour, I actually stopped to read the message, for perhaps the first time. A few hours later I watched Hubby do the same. It definitely catches your eye. We've read about the Stop List before - newspapers urging Bermuda's citizens to stay crime free, as this poses an obstacle for travel to the US, especially if convicted of certain crimes. The Stop List is quite serious. Not being able to travel to America for most Bermudians is an inconvenience at best & a damper on their many vacation plans. Being so close to Bermuda, many locals take the quick flight over to many states in America for shopping trips or just plain fun. Take that away & you're left with very few options. Sure, there's Canada as an alternative, but flight rates are far more expensive than many of the deals available to many US hot spots. The Stop List applies to any & all nationalities not just Bermuda but perhaps no more regulated than here. For some of Bermuda's youth, the Stop List can be viewed as nothing less than an incentive to stay away from crime, if they would like to someday visit the land of opportunity, or at least have the option to.

sea shells, sea shells on the sea shore

One of the things I love about Bermuda is the wonderful, poignant scent of the ocean. On most evenings, all it takes is one whiff to transport me back to my pre school/kindergarten years in Dubai, where we'd spend evenings at the corniche or the boardwalk, driving around in our little motorized car & motorbike (yes, we had them back then & all I can say is thanks mom & dad). Another whiff takes me back to the hot days we'd spend at the beach, bbqing all day, along with clam digging for us kids following an all night crab catching session for the adults, while we kids warily watched. The onset of construction in the past 10 to 15 years has minimized & in some cases, eliminated some beaches (apparently Dubai now houses 23% of the world's cranes). The crabs & clams are not as plentiful like they were 25 years ago. (Sigh! I am getting to the point where I now use the phrase '25 years ago'). Back then Mom would teach us to look for the bright green tuffs sporadically sprouting from the sand, revealed during the low tide of the day. Digging these tuffs of green & then some sand would yield us a clam. By the end of the day there'd be enough to fill about two to three medium sized buckets. Multitudes of clams, I tell you & oh so delicious once mom cooked them Indian style!

So it's no surprise that the first thing I looked for here on Bermuda's much smaller but beautiful beaches was the evidence of green tuffs peeking from the sand. Alas, there were none. The most you may find are crabs by the rocks, infinitely shy & extremely fast on their legs, but definitely no clams. We have the reefs to blame er... thank for that. While the reefs keep the unwanted sharks & who knows what other marine carnivores out of Bermuda's shores, it also keeps out much of what you would find on any other beach - shells, conchs, that sort of thing. Unless you're cruising the beach in the aftermath of a storm, which does tend to wash ashore some beachy tokens. Any other time, you will leave empty handed. Unless you visit the souvenir shops & take with you some beach memorabilia, but word on the street is that these are imported from Florida. So if you're looking for something plentiful & authentically Bermudian, then its pink laced sand would be it. Unfortunate about the shells, yes but given the choice between sharks or shells, well need I say more....

life in the fast lane

What is it with the islands & their unique sense of keeping time? Is there really a need for the Island Time philosophy? Yes, some say the heat & the idyllic ocean scenery just makes it impossible not to slow down & sometimes makes you sluggish but sometimes the island time concept really doesn't work.

In Dubai, some offices & most stores shut down daily from noon to four or so for a desert siesta, to reopen at four, with stores staying till 10pm or later. The afternoon time of relaxation is much needed to refuel the body from the sweltering humid desert heat of 50+ deg Cel. Most countries in the Middle East adopt some variation of this siesta policy & it really does work. Well, it has to, besides who wouldn't love a two to four hour lunch ?

We came from a fast paced busy hectic lifestyle that is Toronto & now when we do go back to visit, we realize how hectic our life was by just watching our family go about their daily routine. Here in Bermuda, we've almost assimilated ourselves into the island time lifestyle but for a couple of things that we still can't seem to shake off or even want to embrace. For these we prefer life to be in the fast lane. Or moderately so. Take driving, for example. I am no speed demon & I take my driving seriously, but why is it that some drivers take forever to make their turns or even drive. 35 kms is excruciatingly slow, I know & so almost no one can or even does adhere to this speed limit (except for the really old folk & maybe a nervous driver or two). Face it, if we all did adhere to this speed limit, we'd get no where & we'd inadvertently be taking the island time concept down a notch! Is that even possible?

rocky ground

The ocean is a wading pool for many Bermudian kids, who spend most of their childhood in the water, with many having been in before they've learned how to walk. It all begins with them being practically thrown in the water. I can believe that. In fact I've heard about it. In almost all cases, it's the fathers that perform this 'ritual', viewed as a rite of passage, if you will. The protective mothers are undoubtedly unimpressed & let the fathers have it, more so when they get the 'let's wait & see' or 'give the baby a minute' spiel. If this were to take place in Canada, you'd have Children's Aid knocking on the door. We were all witness to the late Australian, Steve Irwin first introducing his baby son to the world by prancing him in front of a croc at one of their shows at the Australian Zoo. The international outrage could not be quelled even with Steve in his defence stating that his son was used to the crocs & they to him. Each to his own, I reckon. But if in Bermuda, the baby learns how to stay afloat at that young an age, where's the harm? The younger they are the better right? Come to think of it, maybe my dad should have tossed my toddler self in, into Dubai's waters, then I'd definitely not have grown up fearing the water as much as I did. I know my mother would have had a fit. There's a method to one's madness, but it may not always work.

Unlike my brother, I am no diver & so when at Tobacco Bay, I anxiously watch the Bermudian boys as they get up to the highest rock & dive into the water. This is a favourite spot for this stunt to be performed as its mini mountain on one side of the beach makes for an ideal diving off point, to them. The boys are mostly fully attired complete with their shoes on & they see no need to indulge in swimwear or dive in sans footwear. But this is a dangerous feat as the rocks underwater are just as jagged as the ones exposed to the elements. I've winced when I've many a time scraped myself against these rocks while snorkeling. Diving in is risky because Bermuda's rocks are forever changing. With every hurricane, gale force wind or tropical storm, the rocks morph into another version of its previous self, courtesy of the erosion cause by the battering waves. The boys though, are fearless & have probably mapped out their safe spots. But it still makes me cringe as I watch them jump in, competing with one another. Boys will be boys, intense competitors, with sessions of who can outdo whom, forever thrill seekers to the core. Well boys, whatever floats your boat!

ink'd on

There's been a lot of talk about alien life out yonder with books, movies & documentaries, all three feeding our wild imagination. I cannot quite get around to accepting the distinct possibility that there are other like us out there. If so, wouldn't 'they' have found us already? What's taking 'them' so long? Perhaps their ship is trying to find the location of Earth, very much like in the SciFI show, Battlestar Galactica. And if one were to consider the possibility that there may just be another world out there, would they be as diverse, as colourful or as cultural as we are?

For that matter, how did we get so colourful? I ask you, the evolutionist, should we not be darker & hairier, like the primates (whom you consider our ancestors). On the flip side, I've often wondered why we aren't the same tone like our original parents, Adam & Eve. Could it be that the Old Testament incident of the Tower of Babel that split us all into various groups by the casting of different tongues of speech, also had God bringing out His paint brush & performing a little Michelangelo act on us all. Perhaps along with colour, culture was born, eventually evolving into a varied mix that now makes us so rich & unique. We're an art, one to be appreciated. There's so many cultures to explore & indulge in, that sometimes it's very hard to choose. But what is it that attracts us to one culture over another? How do you choose from East vs West, from European vs South American? Well, why choose at all?

I was the post office last week mailing off a letter to India. After a few minutes the young girl behind the screen asks if I can write her name out in Indian. As I was in the mode of translating, she told me she wanted to get it tattooed on the inside of her right wrist. In Indian! (Her request reminded me of the soccer player, David Beckham, who has his wife's name tattooed in Hindi on his wrist). Oh, so of course the pressure was really on, leaving no room for error in translation. It's going to be translated into a tattoo for Pete's sake! The horror of another Indian person who knows how to read Hindi looking at her wrist & telling her it's all wrong. Well, just to be safe, I got her contact info & told her I'd email it once I was 100% sure. She was then elated & excited asking if I could translate her kids names too! Sigh! Suddenly I felt like I was not the right person for the job.

license to...

I am now the owner of a brand spanking new Bermuda drivers' license. First try, thank you very much. But surprise surprise, they misspelled my name & I hadn't noticed until Hubby pointed it out. I thought he was joking because I have a normal run of the mill western name. How could they get it wrong? Not like it's an ethnic name. And how could I not notice? Sigh! Although my picture came out quite nice...for once!

For one thing, I never thought I'd have to go through the entire driving test process again. Been there done that in Canada & was none too pleased when I learned that Bermuda does not participate in the license exchange. I've driven faster & for longer periods in Canada & trust me Bermuda is a step down. I don't mean that in a negative way but the roads here are narrower & only run so far. And sure the left hand side driving initially throws you off your bearings, but you eventually get used to it. It's not rocket science!

However, there are a couple of things that Canada or more specifically Ontario can learn from Bermuda when it comes to the licensing game. Ontario has a three step graduated licensing program (a written test & two driving tests, also known as G1, G2 & G - don't get me started on the sequence problem here). But the inside scoop is that for the third driving test (which includes highway driving), examiners are given a quota of people that they can pass for the day. So, if they've met that quota by late morning & you've scheduled your exam for the afternoon, you're more than likely to receive a fail on your test, even if you've performed perfectly. It's true! It's been confirmed by someone on the inside. Welcome to the Ontario Ministry of Transportation! If you've got a case of bad luck, the series of failed tests can get quite pricey (at about $80.00 a pop). I think the least they can do is give you a discount for repeat tests! A message to Ontario - enough of this money making business because in Bermuda, you only pay TCD, once you've passed (a cost of $133.00 USD) & Bermuda also lets you schedule your test online. Oh, by they way, TCD stands for Transport Control Department. Can it sound any more British?

Anyway, now a brief synopsis of what the driving test in Bermuda is like. Parallel parking (the spot is marked by pylons & white lines) & drive & reverse a zig zag path (also marked by pylons) are both done at the TCD's site. You get five minutes to perform your parallel perfection & are even allowed to get out of the car to check to see if you've made it within the lines. Touch a pylon & you fail & if you fail you can kiss the road test that follows goodbye, for another month. If you pass the on site test & fail the road test then the second time around will only have you doing the road test. I'm not the best at parallel parking but with a five minute time limit & umpteen number of out of car checks, I had to pass. I will say one thing about the road test - it's not complicated. But there's one rule to follow that one may not be used to - when at a red light or at a stop sign, your parking brake must be up before you check both directions, inch up & proceed to make your may through. Yes I know, so confusing & totally pointless in my opinion. However, rules are rules no matter how asinine.

For the most part, I am relieved. It's over & done with. I had the nicest examiner who made a lot of significant get to know each other small talk throughout the length of my test. I now know all about him, his family & his DOB. Getting back to my license, it's up for renewal in 10 years. Now all I have to do is get it corrected on Monday, although my brother, Newt upon viewing a picture of my license, had this to say about it: "I can't really tell what's wrong with it. I think we have been misspelling your name our whole lives, and the Bermudian Transportation Ministry (or whatever the hell it's called) finally gets it right. You owe them a large debt of gratitude."
Seriously, how does he come up with this stuff ? He seems to have forgotten that everyone over the years has misspelled HIS name at one time or another....

you talk funny

Senior citizens are bold, brazen & no nonsense. A perfect combination which culminates into being funny, anytime, anywhere, in any language. Here are some funnies courtesy of Bermuda's senior citizens:

When offered a seat at the bus terminal she laughs & says: 'Oh thank you child, but if I sit down, I won't be able to get up.'
Child? Who is she calling child?

When being greeted by a scrubby, partially drunk Bermudian man, she says once he's passed us: 'Hmm mmm That's right, keep going!'
Well I never....

While ensuring her grandchildren are instilled with manners & that they give up their seat to the older folk on the bus with just a look, she says to them after: You're young, your legs are strong & you can stand for longer. Cause I know what happens the minute we get home, you kids have a whole lot of energy all of a sudden!
You tell 'em, Granny!

When told by an Indian person that his name is Francis, she looks at him & says, 'Come on, what's your real name?'
Cute, but you know Bda Grandma, not all Indians are Hindus. There are many Indian folk who are Christian, with Christian names. It's been this way for hundreds of years. Yes, I mean Indian folk from India. Thanks to R from my former workplace for this anecdote about his grandmother.

That's all I've got for now, but please feel free to add some of your own. I'd love to hear them.

power shots

At one time or another we tend to take the simplest most basic things for granted. Not apt to be content, we're prone to harp on about what we don't have, not realizing that for the most part what we do have is more than sufficient to fulfill our needs in the present. We get so caught up in the idiosyncrasies of life that at most times we barely acknowledge our fully functioning selves, unaware of what's a part of us until it's cruelly & unfairly snatched away.

On our day off this past long weekend, we went to the driving range to practice some golf shots. Also, present was a senior Bermudian gentleman, who seemed to be getting ready to swing. At first I wondered how on earth he'd manage, but his shots were exceptionally good. Even Tiger would be impressed. Far better than the average person with two arms for you see he had but one arm. Yet that didn't seem to slow him down or deter him in any way. He'd adapted & worked with his limitations because his left arm was all he needed to deliver his power shot. One of many. You couldn't help but watch & be awed at his poise & confidence, the maintained balance & the powerful well timed swing that launched the golf ball high & far. He made it look easy. It not only left me amazed, but forced me to take a moment, take stock & thank God that I was fortunate enough to be whole.

my name is...

"I don't remember your name, but I remember your age." says the nine year old übersmart Bermudian neighbour kid to me today.
Didn't I say the kids here are super friendly?! Although, I think it's time to let him know about the 'Never ask or remind a woman about her age' philosophy!

the escape artist

I recently read that Bermudians are afraid of lizards. Is this true? I know some that are adverse to the presence of frogs but the fear of lizards is new to me. Some species of lizards are endemic to Bermuda, whereas others were introduced years ago, but none are harmful. Lizards don't bother me so much (mind you we are talking about the smaller kind). I'm a huge supporter of anything that will eat bugs. Besides lizards are so much more afraid of us that we are of them as evident by their lightning speed escapes when spotted (I got a lucky shot of the one on the right though). While I've never been one to handle a lizard or want to touch one, I've loved them because they're programmed to devour those pesky mosquitoes (such a nuisance when I was growing up in India). Incidentally, Bermuda does not have mosquitoes nor snakes. But ants are aplenty.